Friday, September 28, 2007

White Hair

This may come to a shock to some of you but i have white hair. I dye it every six weeks or so to cover it. My husband laughs at me all the time as i lean into the mirror trying to find them. It is like some kind of tresure hunt only the tresure is more like pandoras box then silver and gold. For what ever reason the fear of getting old really bothers me. My mother who is a beautiful woman has white hair. She started to go gray in highschool. So i should thank the good Lord that he waited to bless me with this tresure until i was in my 30s. I blame my son Noah ( the foot in the underwear boy) Because i never saw a white or even gray hair in my head until after his birth. It was like i gave birth and pushed so hard all these white hairs popped out of my skull. When i look in the mirror in the morning somehow i still wish to see my 20 year old face and hair looking back at me. Time is slipped by me and now i have awoken to see well ok not a old lady but we are not a young lady either. This woman in my church she is older then I by many years, reminds me all the time that White Hair is a sign of a womans wisdom. So if that is true how did i get SO wise to be blessed with SO many signs of that wisdom? I may want my face and hair to be that of a 20 year old but i would not trade the wisdom i have as a 32 year old heart. I was thinking last night about when i was 22 how dumb i acted. Getting mad over little things, spended to much of my brain power of how i looked or what others thought of the way i looked. Now ten years later i go out of the house no make up in PJ pants to bring my brother dinner ( did that last night in Waynes spiderman pants) I looked down as i got out of my sister in laws car laughed and said I have my pjs on oh wait no i have Waynes Pjs on. Believe it or not i was not put to shame no one laughed at me but myself. I had no make up on and no one ran screaming from me when they saw my face. I guess the lesson i learned from my white hair is that it makes me look more at the way people view me. Do they view that way i look and on that base wither or not they will befriend me> Or do they look at my heart that lays benethe the white hair and Spiderman Pj pants? I know as a 32 year old woman i no longer look at the outward but rather the inward. Much like God view us, he looks past our dirty sinful life and sees our hearts. Wisdom from my white hair? Stop thinking about how the outward looks and work more on the inward. Does that mean i will stop dying my hair..... ah no not there yet...... need more time to gain the wisdom to stop that..... not there yet...... but now the world knows under the hair dye lays all the signs of my wisdom.....

Thursday, September 27, 2007

New day

If there is one thing in life i love it is to sleep in my own bed. We jsut got new sheets the T shirt kind. It feels like you are sleeping inside a nice worn out old soft T shirt. It is rather nice, if you have not tried these wonderful sheets give them a try. But there are also a few things that i do not enjoy when i am in bed trying to sleep. Being to Hot! I like my bed room on the cool side so you can pull the covers up and get all close to who ever is next to you. For me I like it to be my husband but most of the time it is my almost 4 year old son Noah. Everynight with out fail i am awoken to the moment of my bed as he crawls into it. Sometimes my heart leaps to see his little eyes and his smile as he trys and sneeks between Daddy and Mommy. But that soon passes as i feel his little feet tunk in the back side of my underwear. That is right you did not read that wrong he like to tuck his feet into my underwear. It drives me MAD! He pinches my skin! Gives me a WEGGY! Really i lose it in the middle of the night half in the bag as my husband puts it. Noah also likes to for some reason throw his arm over my neck smacking me in the face. Now i know he is only 3 and i am well older then that. But again remember i am half in the bag with someones feet tucked in my underwear, then i am awoken from my slumber by a hit to the kisser! Ah the simple joys of being a mother! People all the time ask me and my hubby when are the two of you going to have a other one and in the back of my mind i think when i get caught up on sleep. Don;t get me wrong I love my little boy with all my heart. He is truly a gift from God. I just wish he would be a gift from God that sleeps in his own bed. A new day is here a day that brings a promise of sound sleep that is weggy free and slap free, what a girl who gets no sleep at night can day dream right... sleep well my loves...

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

reap what you sow

A friend of mine got burned bad by a person she had put her heart soul and mind into. Helping out when no one else was there giving when there was nothing to give.
Why is it the people we give the most too in life never return it? It is like a slap in the face.
No thanks for the bread you gave them when they were hunger, no thanks for the water you gave them when they were thirsty. No thank you for when they were cold and you gave them a blanket.
As i thought about my friend and what happen to her this week i was reminded that Jesus gave all he had to his 12 closed friends and got nothing in return. Peter not once but three times denyed even knowing him. Most of the discples ran and hide when Jesus was taken from the garden. When he carried the cross down the long road to his place of death the same group that had sung Hosanna days before cried out for his death. They choose a thief over him their savoir. Why should we be caught off gurad when the world does the same to us?
I heard a story about a prist who worked with intercity Gangs. Somone told the prist " you know they are just using you to get what they can from you". The Prist replyed "they can not take anything from me when i give all i have freely to Jesus". I give them my love to them freely because Christ did the same for me.
I own nothing, all i have is given to me from God for his use so how can anyone use me to get something i have when i have nothing that is my own. God only blesses me so i can be a blessing to someone else. So many times we get our feelings hurt when we put Our time Our money , Our love to others and have them return nothing to us and maybe never make us feel used. When we have given all we have to them they move on to the next sucker.
Remember that Jesus was used and bruised for us and we spit on him and called for his death. But because of his great love for us he walked on and died for us that we may ahve life. The next time you start to feel used remember that is always Gods plan to use you to help bring him glory and meet the needs of his children, children are never greatful for what they get... just my thought for the day,,
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love time and space

I saw someone i loved today, held them close and kissed their head. Love is one of those things that Time and Space can not change. No matter where you go I will love you, no matter how long it has been since i have seen your shinny face i will love you. Much like our heavnly Father no matter the time and space between us he loves us, he still holds us cloes to him and kisses our forhead and with out a word being spoken our heart hears him say I missed you, welcome home. He turns our face to his and says Let me see your shinny face, let me hold you close. I love you child.... time and space does not remove true love but only makes it grow.

Gods reply to my prayers

Why is it when we pray as ask God to do something, change something ,heal something are we in shock when he does it. Just last night i had one of those moments. Something i have been praying about for years and i mean years happen. The thing I wanted to happen, happened. It does not really matter what it was but it was something my heart had been praying about for a very long time. God heard me and give me what my heart wanted. I stood in the living room last night and was trying to understand what my heart was feeling. My husband kept saying what it is? I replied I guess I am not sure, other then to say God gave me my hearts desire. How often we forget the sweet words he speaks to us. God loves us and wants to give us the desires of our hearts but only when they are his desires for us too. When are heart is one with his is he able to fullfill our hearts longing. So since I know this why was I in shock that God kept his word? Was it that I got my heart in the right place so i was not looking at what i wanted but rather what Gods heart wanted. Was that what i was in shock about? I understand now that God had not given me what i wanted because before last night i was not in the right place to deal with his reply. I would have gotten the gift i longed for and not known how to deal with it. I think I would have looked at it like a deer in headlights. DUH what do i do now? I think God always replys to us but we just don't hear it. We want things our way in our time even if we are not ready for it. God starts giving us what we want by teaching us how to deal with it once we have it. The desire of our heart starts with a lesson in caring for our hearts. I am so Thankful God works with his plan not mine....